Withering Away

The Navy physical fitness test, which includes a weigh-in, comes twice a year and all personnel are aware of the consequences of failure. But the Navy is no different from the rest of the country and for many people weight is a constant battle. For those people the weigh-in is often enough to push them to, or sometimes over, the edge.

If a service member is overweight the Navy provides a Plan B and a body fat analysis is, very inaccurately, performed with a tape measure and a guess at the actual location of the waist. If the member is 22% or less body fat, they are deemed fit and able to keep their job. The theory is that the super-fit, because muscle weighs a good deal more than fat, would fail the weigh-in and so they are allowed to pass through the gate of the tape measure. In actuality the taping process is subjective, encourages a less than honest body fat analysis, and labels some considerably overweight people "within standards".

I do not believe that there is a strong correlation between weight and job performance. I am also not in the habit of failing my friends.

This morning was weigh-in, which means last night a handful of men were downing laxatives, guzzling a diuretic of choice, running in sauna suits, and smearing tubes of Preparation-H across their midsections and then sealing it to their skin with a roll of plastic wrap (it temporarily takes off inches).

CE2 and I administer the weigh-in. I record height and weight and I make sure to give the thicker guys an extra inch in height. After that CE2 tapes the failures taking two inches off the actual waist measurement and adding an inch to the neck measurement. This morning, with our subtle coaxing of height, waist, and neck measurements, we managed to pass everyone.

Now several of the less-than-svelte set are walking around like they're hot shit.

It makes me smile.

A Little Bit of Nudity

Puss and I have a very relaxed relationship. The door to the bathroom is always open, so as not to disrupt the lines of communication, and we frequently walk around the room naked searching for things like misplaced bras and hair ties. We are so comfortable around each other that when she was concerned that something was wrong with the Missus she had me take a close look, and I did it unflinchingly (it was only an ingrown hair, nothing scandalous).

I've never thought much about the nudity: It seems normal.

Last night Puss's boyfriend, Dime a Dozen (he earned his name when I found out she told him half joking, but half not joking, "Where I'm from in California I can find a Mexican anywhere I look. You're easy to replace.), was in the room when she casually removed her pants because she wanted to hop in the shower. Before she had a chance to peel off anything else Dime a Dozen noticed her pantsless state and shot her a look of frustration and disbelief.

BF: What are you doing?

Puss: What?

EA2: We see each other naked all the time. Really, it's OK.

BF: What?!?!

Puss: Yea. We're naked all the time.

BF: Really?!?

EA2: Yea.

He lowered and shook his head as if to say, This is not an appropriate way to behave. But he didn't say it; he stayed shocked and silent. And as Puss washed away the day he started telling me stories about drunk sex with ugly women.

She knows how to pick 'em.

We're Famous

I was bored so I Googled "Seabee". More than anything my inquiry was dorky, I know, but I decided to couch it as a healthy sign of personal acceptance. I found two things:

The Dad on Leave it to Beaver, Ward, was a Seabee. There's an episode where Beaver brings his friends home to look at his dad's war medals and it is revealed that he earned them as a Seabee in the South Pacific during WWII.

Unbeknownst to me, or any of my co-workers, there is a CD titled "Run to Cadence With the U.S. Navy Seabees". It's odd that no one has heard of it because I work with some pretty committed Seabee geeks who both listen to cadence for pleasure and own books, posters, and t-shirts stamped with the Seabee logo. Strangely, curiosity, fear, and reluctant pride commingled into an unknown emotion that caused me to order the CD, one of only two left at Amazon.com. It should arrive in about two weeks.

I never would have guessed.