FEXing

I'm at FEX and hope to be home right around the 5th of May.

Because it was Easter and I'm Missing Him

His name was Leviathan and he had the biggest balls ever.

Where to Start...

Main Body was scheduled to leave for FEX on Friday morning. Yesterday afternoon it was passed that a troop mobilization of 30,000 personnel has recently been scheduled for this weekend, there are no busses under government contract to be had, and so we are now leaving on Wednesday (tomorrow) morning.

I am currently participating in a 48-hour embarkation evolution. I work the night shift, 6 pm to 6 am, and am responsible for filling out all HAZMAT information and compiling MSDSs for each piece of construction equipment, the fluids it contains, and other miscellaneous hazardous materials like ammunition and lithium batteries.

My schedule as of yesterday morning:

Monday: 6pm to 6am Embark
Tuesday: Sleep, 6pm to 6am Embark
Wednesday: Sleep, Shop for FEX
Thursday: Pack for FEX, Renew Passport (it expires during FEX), Knitting
Friday: Go out for breakfast with husband, Leave for FEX

My schedule as of yesterday afternoon:

Monday: 6pm to 6am Embark
Tuesday: Three-hour nap, Shop, Pack, 6pm to 6am Embark
Wednesday: Finish packing, Nap if possible, Board the bus

For me it’s annoying but for other people, especially those with children, it’s a problem. One woman, a single mother of three, is flying her sister in to watch the kids while she is away for two weeks. Her sister flies in on Thursday. One day too late. Even though this woman did everything right she now has the very real problem of finding supervision for her children while she’s working twelve hour shifts for embark and the command isn’t anxious to help. Several men on the night crew were afraid of their wives’ reaction to the news. Not that it’s such a big deal, but it’s annoying to be frustrated by work only to have your wife frustrated by you.

But what seals the deal is that the embark exercise, the second in as many months, is completely notional: all of the equipment is already up at FEX. There is no pressing need, other than practice (which is important), to spend 48 hours placing equipment on chalks, working out the load planning, preparing documentation, calling for an inspection, and sending it on its way.

So what we have is a group of people who have very real concerns like childcare, sleep deprivation, domestic angst, and packing all of which have to place second to the pretend concern of moving out Hummers and bulldozers.

Here Comes the Bride

It is a fact that my brother’s fiancé did not know, and was unabashedly shocked to learn, that Vermont is a state. My brother enlightened her several months ago with my parents in the room, a circumstance that is lucky for me, because a witness is needed to corroborate a story so unbelievable and I enjoy being able to believe the story.

It is also a fact that my brother’s last girlfriend, an enthusiastic drinker, had a habit of calling my father in the very early morning after a night of excess to describe the sex acts she had just performed on my brother.

My mother has encouraged me to endorse the lesser of two evils.

So when my brother called to ask if I thought it was tacky to print where they’re registered on the invitations I did pause a moment before telling him, “Yes, it’s really tacky. The point of the wedding is to come together and celebrate your union. No one should feel obligated to bring you anything. Yes. Believe me. It’s tacky. If people want to know they’ll ask. You guys should go to the bookstore, get a cup of coffee, and read over Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette.” I didn’t even feel bad for being blunt.

Part of the reason I didn’t feel any remorse is that she confessed to my mother that the reason she’s serving only appetizers at the reception is because it makes it increasingly likely that people will gift presents that out-value the cost of the food they consume.

The other part is that I’ve been sentenced to wearing a floor-length bridesmaid dress that’s an especially electric shade of aqua.

The wedding will be at an arboretum that is happy to let my brother and his fiancé purchase all of the alcohol for the reception from a third party as long as they use the on-site bartenders. Today I learned that she wants a cash bar and that the arboretum said no. If she brings her own it’s against policy to charge and now she’s throwing a fit because she doesn’t think it’s fair that she can’t sell her own wine. I want to call her up and ask if she really thinks it’s OK to make money off of her wedding guests.

She may not call my dad in the middle of the night, but she’s still crazy.