Girl Crush

All of my friends--the ones that I give a shit about as they relate to me and themselves and life--have one thing in common. Each of them has the ability to peak my curiosity. They say things I haven't heard or thought of before. They have wit (and with wit comes charm). They make me laugh from the deepest most buried part of my guts and I never want to let them down. They make my life richer.

One of those friends lives in Alaska and he shares my bed.

A second also lives in the 49th state but he has a life and a wife and a major construction project that needs a roof before winter and winter comes early here so we are destined to be the casualist of friends but the closest of work kindreds.

That's not to say I only have one or two friends here. I have several. I get invites. To parties. Parties where cool people with hip glasses and haircuts and high end jeans hang out. But I never want to go and I almost always cancel and I'm afraid that makes me a raging thankless cunt.

(Spellcheck flags cunt and twat and puntang but doesn't flag dick or cock or johnson--there's a thesis in there somewhere that connects genetalial slang to gender and entomology.)

The whole point of this post was supposed to be that I have one female friend in Alaska and she is unflappably nice and kind and giving and lovely but she bores me so I let her down and feel like shit because of it. There's not one thing wrong with her except that both she and her conversation are boring.

I get by. I don't think she'll dump me. I loan her clothes and gear and we hike and run together. She makes me smile. But she never makes me think. So I cancel plans because hours with her means hours away from myself.

I'm a total cunt.

Why is it so hard to find wickedly smart women? And if it's not--where the hell do I find them?