Armed Forces Day

I've never, before today, heard of Armed Forces Day. But it exists and it's today.

When I was in the Navy, and nearing the end, there was a chorus of people chanting that I would miss it: I would miss the Navy, miss the camaraderie when it was gone. I believed them because I know better than to believe that I know better. I trusted the collective prediction.

Today the dog and I went on a hike and drove to the feed store to smell people and fertilizer and vegetable starts. I watched the new Star Treck movie. I had the oil changed and walked to the greenhouse to price blueberry plants while I waited. I weeded the garden. I put off doing a load of laundry.

There's nothing special about today. Tomorrow the dog and I will go on another hike. I'll scissor her coat and giver her a bath. I'll mix up some two part epoxy and have my way with the trim on the house. I'll clean the bathroom and get around to laundry. I'll water the garden and rake up the out-of-sight patch of lawn I've been ignoring the past few weeks. I'll pick up photos at Target.

And that's just the point: My life is now my own.

I miss parts of the Navy. I miss PT. I didn't realize that I liked calling cadence and running in step. Now I hike and ski and Zumba at the gym, but it isn't the same. I miss half day Fridays for obvious reasons. And I miss diversity.

I wonder if I'm deficient because I don't miss the camaraderie. I wonder if I lack an ability to commune that comes easily to others. Here, in Anchorage, I have one friend at work and it seems to be enough. He used to be in the service which may or may not be surprising. He was with Red Horse; they're like the Seabees, but different, and I don't really know how. I don't think I ever had more than one friend at a time in the Navy. I never had a group. At times I was utterly alone.

A few days ago I found out that the Post 9/11 GI Bill kicks the Montgomery GI Bill's ass. It kicks it hard and I'll get tens of thousands of dollars out of the deal. Let's be clear: I paid into the GI bill and I served my country for six years. Like millions of veterans before me I earned the GI Bill benefit. But the new, more lucrative GI Bill, somehow feels like welfare. Like I'm taking from the government, which is the same as taking from the taxpayers, which is the same as taking from my neighbors. I feel guilt and I feel it because I don't think my service--the way I experienced my time in the Navy--was outside what should normally be expected from any one person at any given time. But the benefits: The benefits are astounding. When I imagine using my benefits I imagine myself as a coward who hid behind the brave but is flaunting the spoils of war.

I'm not special. I'm normal. The government wants to give me things that normal people don't get.

I am a fake.

So who is real? What does a person have to loose to earn legitimacy? Something. They have to loose something. But all I've done is gain. I've gained experience, perspective, work ethic, fierce loyalty, and a deep love for my country. I'm whole and sane and happy. My life is better because I spent six years in the Navy.

Happy Armed Forces Day.