Some Very Good Things Are Happening

This weekend, when I was talking on the phone with my mom, she asked me where I was going for deployment. I realized that I never told her about Cuba. The news made her obviously excited and then me frustrated because she was dictating the emotion set for my trip. I’m not excited; I’m disgusted. The men I’m deploying with are flaccid. Most of them have poor posture and are afraid to make a decision. Mad Dog, the man who is supposed to be leading the way with experience as his guide, is struggling with the prints. And with that backdrop of confusion and weak personalities my work will be easy: elevations and alignment for vertical construction. There will be few challenges.

I never told my mom about the deployment itinerary because I don’t want my life in the Navy to exist for anyone other than me. I’m embarrassed because the achievements that are easy for me to recite are devastatingly insignificant. If my traverse closes with minimal error or my building is square I’m not that proud because I know that these goals can be achieved by anyone who places value on precision and attention to detail. It’s a little shameful that my greatest hits, as I’m able to rattle them off, are composed of nothing more than a steady hand and a moderate tempo.

If shooting in a square building is easy then communicating what I am proud of is very hard. The Navy has changed the way I metabolize my world. And my new belief set, in my humble opinion, is of much greater value. I’ve often heard and believed that God’s work isn’t done by God, but by people. The same is true of the Navy: it’s a giant organization run by a swarm of well-trained people, each of them with thoughts and personalities. And I have realized that the mark I leave, not my legacy, but the residue that stays behind when I leave a room or a conversation is what matters. A thought, a mood, a sentiment, or a smile can infect a culture and cause improvement, pride, and worth. At it’s best, the Navy has the power to shift my focus outward, and to give value to my thoughts and actions inasmuch as the quality they impart to my subculture.

So when someone gets excited because I’m getting on a plane and heading to an island that houses a prison facility I don’t understand. And, unfortunately, I lack the conviction to try and explain why I am grateful for what’s been happening to me during the past few years.