I Cried at Quarters

I cried at quarters this morning. That’s never good. In my defense, I didn’t go into it realizing I was emotional. This morning was like every morning: after my alarm went off, I stayed in bed for a few moments and mentally rehearsed what I needed to accomplish during the day. Usually the list is pretty benign. Today I thought about finding someone from medical at quarters to ask them about changing my husband’s bandages while I was away at FEX. Yesterday was the first time we dealt with the cream/gauze/bandage/tape/wrap issue because before that we’d been with a nurse who had taken care of it. Well, he can’t reach the bandages on his foot and they have to be changed every day. And he really doesn’t like to look at his mangled knee so even though he could take care of that himself, it’s probably better that he doesn’t.

At quarters I was looking for my platoon commander, or a corpsman with rank similar to my own, when the two medical chiefs, both women, called me over to tell me I was due for a well-woman exam and would I please make an appointment for one of the first two weeks in March. I said I would and went on that I knew they weren’t the appropriate people to ask but did they have any ideas because…. And when I got to the part about him not liking to look at the wounds I started to cry. Tears were streaming down my face and all I could do was wipe them away and apologize. The Chief asked me where my family was and could they come to take care of him. I told her Minneapolis, and started to cry more. I’m truly embarrassed to admit that I explained they couldn’t come to take care of him because they were taking care of my dad with cancer. She smiled at me and said, “You need to stop crying. People are going to think I’m really mean.”

By the time my platoon chief (EAC) was on the scene quite a few people had wandered over to be a part of the commotion. As soon as he approached the circle someone turned to him and barked, “YOU need to go talk to the Command Master Chief and figure out a solution to her problem.” I felt miserable. I have a good working relationship with EAC. I didn’t want to put him in a tight spot.

The good news is I’m not going to FEX.

But I feel guilty, like I’ve let the team down. This morning I felt guilty because I was letting my husband down. And I’m not even Catholic.

All of this happened before the battalion filed into the base theatre so that the CO could talk to us about the results of our survey on command climate with respect to equal opportunity. But that’s a topic for a different post.